Four years ago, I got a Jeep Cherokee. I call her Shawna. She was brand new when I got her, probably the only brand new car I will ever own.
When I got Shawna, I had a vision of what my life would be. I believed that I would be pregnant sometime soon. I saw family vacations and road trips in my future, with car seats and my dogs. It soon became apparent that pregnancy was not in my future. I was crushed for a while, but the disappointment faded with time. My picture of the future changed, but I still looked forward to trips with my husband and the dogs.
When my husband left (and eventually took Max with him), Daisy graduated to the front seat of the Jeep. I looked into places that she and I could explore together – just a girl, her dog, and her Jeep.
Three weeks ago, Shawna was loaded down with luggage and coolers. Jon, the kids, and I took our first family trip together. Halfway to Florida it hit me – this is exactly what I wanted when I bought Shawna. Sure, the picture itself looks a little different. And I got some bruises and scars in the process. But through all the changes that have taken place in the last four years, God still satisfied the longing of my heart. More abundantly than I could have anticipated.
I was supposed to get married today. A series of unavoidable events, including a global pandemic, caused us to change the date and get married in April instead.
We sat down to breakfast together this morning – much like we did almost 3 months ago – and we talked about our plans for the day. In February, our plans for today were very different. We were planning a church wedding and a picnic reception. We were planning a cruise. We were planning to move into my house.
Instead, we got married in April, took a family trip to Florida, and have started the process of getting a new house. Our house. A house that has everything I loved about my old house, plus more. The plans changed, but this has turned out so much better than what we planned.
We all know that things change and that life doesn’t follow our plans. Sometimes, though, life begins to look so radically different from what we envisioned for ourselves that we become overwhelmed with anxiety and fear. I often find myself holding on to the familiar, even if the familiar is sub-par, just to avoid change. While I find different ways to justify trying to keep things the same, in reality, I am just trying to maintain control. There are many things that we should fight for – things that bring us closer to God and that help us share His gospel. Fighting change isn’t one of those things. Fighting change often reflects a lack of faith in God, showing that we trust ourselves more than we trust God. I’m working on being less attached to my plans and more focused on God’s unwavering goodness.