I have lived in my house for eight years. I watched it being built, picked cabinet colors, arranged (and rearranged) the furniture, and made decorating decisions. After my separation, I made changes again and reclaimed space for myself. My home was a safe place, a place of retreat, a place where I could completely fall apart, a place where God worked in my heart to build me back up.
I love my house. I really wanted to stay there.
I know many people think – why would you want to stay there? Aren’t there too many bad memories? Don’t you want somewhere new? Somewhere fresh?
No. I did not.
I am tired of change. I am tired of being pushed out of my comfort zone. And my house has so many wonderful memories. I brought Daisy home as a puppy to that house. Before things became terrible, they were really good. And now, it is really good again. Jon told me he loved me in that house, and we had our first kiss there. And we planned to stay there and make it our home. The kids picked their rooms. We talked about where furniture would go. We brought Poe home together to that house. It has been the setting of many wonderful memories.
I am comfortable in my house.
But, it was time to sell. God has moved in such a way that I am confident that I must move on. Part of me is dreading the discomfort of moving, of being in a new place, of adjusting to new routines. As strange as it sounds, I am grieving the loss of my house.
I feel like this scenario has repeated itself a lot over the past 2 years. I have fought against change, I have fought to hold on to things that I thought were best, and change has come anyway. As I look at boxes in my living room though, see Daisy laying in the stream of sun coming through the kitchen window, and adjust or Poe to climb into my lap, I’m reminded of all the good that has come through changes that I did not want to make. I am thankful for my Sovereign God who is in control of all things and works on my behalf. I am thankful, yet I’ve also grieved as I let go of things that I never thought I would have to release.
More change is coming, and it’s coming quickly. None of us can predict what will happen one month, six months, or a year from now. While this is always true, right now we all feel life’s unpredictability more than normal. We are uncomfortable with the structure of our world right now. We are collectively grieving the unexpected change in our circumstances.
As the Psalmist celebrates the character and Word of God in Psalm 119, he writes, “Let your steadfast love comfort me according to your promise to your servant.” (v 76). When Scripture talks about God comforting His people, the promise is not that God will make our circumstances comfortable. He may choose to work that way, but it is not guaranteed. The promise is that the presence of God gives comfort. When everything around me is changing, when I am forced out of my comfort zone, when I have to surrender things I didn’t plan to surrender, comfort comes by clinging to God’s Word.
God brings comfort in the midst of uncomfortable situations because He is the source of all that we need.